So, it’s been a few days since I’ve been home and thankfully, I won’t have to hop on a plane until February. While I loved attending 3 separate events in 4 weeks, I missed the predictability of my home-work schedule.
I was one of Ali Brown’s scholarship winners and attended her Shine event which took place in Las Vegas from Nov 5-7, 2009 at no cost. Well, to be exact, there was a cost because I had to shell out $500 for airfare, $230 for hotel (I shared my room) and about $150 for food, however, my registration fee of $1500 was waived.
I met tons of women over the 3 day event, took pictures, kissed babies, you know, the whole nine. In a room filled with 500 women and probably 5 men, I could feel a wave of anticipation in the air.
I soaked in the energy in the room and smiled at God for making this trip happen. Everything aligned so I could be at Shine and I was curious to know what God wanted to show me. I knew something big would happen for me at Shine and I was nervous not knowing what would be revealed.
Well, it was in the first 15-minutes of the event that 12-months of confusion started to unravel. And it was in that moment I regretted going to Ali’s event. Why? Because there was simply no turning back because I had been “found out.”
You see, the last 12-months have been tough. My income dropped, my creative energy seemed to dry up and my social media expertise was no longer in hot demand. While I could blame the economy, there was something deeper that was affecting my business. I just couldn’t figure out what it was.
Me with Tina Forsyth (left) & Terry Green (middle)
Before Ali came out on stage on Day 1, we were presented with a mini Cirque du Soleil act. Two tall clowns, people walking in huge bubbles, a couple on rollerblades and then an agile, muscular man who had an obsession with spinning things.
As he started to spin a large cube in the palm of his hand, the hypnotic movement of the spinning cube put me in a trance of wonderment. As I watched the cube spin and spin and spin, I asked myself just one question:
“If I did an event like this in Canada, who could I hire to spin a cube for me?”
Odd question, I know, but sometimes you have to ask things a different way to arrive at the answer you really need to hear.
The answer I got wasn’t who I could hire. Instead, God showed me that I too had a gift and that for the past 12-months, I hid it.
No, my gift isn’t spinning a ginormous silver cube in the palm of my hand. My gift is inspiring, motivating and entertaining through spoken word.
It was in that moment as the music pumped through the speakers and as I watched the spinning cube, God showed me that because I was hiding my gift, I could not bless others. And because I wasn’t being a blessing to others, God could not bless me with the abundance He has waiting for me.
Bullseye!
Me with Terry Green (left) & Jillian Slack
It took traveling to a city 3000 km away, sitting in a darkened room listening to pounding dance music and watching a rather muscled up guy spinning a huge silver cube in the palm of his hand for me to finally understand why I’ve been stuck over the past 12-months.
For the rest of the time I was at Shine, nothing else mattered. I felt no desire to meet anyone new. Not because I was being a snob, but because I was in my own fog of war. You know, that period of time when things are happening all around you, but you can’t make sense of it right away. Yup, that was me at Shine. Unwrapping the mysteries of my profound revelation one layer at a time.
Some complained that the content was weak. Others complained that Shine was nothing more than an upsell to Ali’s mastermind programs. Still others complained that Ali was using the event to record footage for a TV talk show.
I really didn’t care.
Because for me, it wasn’t about Ali. It wasn’t about what she was wearing or how big her engagement ring was on her finger. I didn’t pontificate about how much money she was pulling in at the event, nor did I engage in discussions about how many thongs she sold through her boutique.
All these material things meant nothing to me. What did was:
- My clear, uninhibited connection to my Creator who finally slapped me out of my frustration and showed me that I had become comfortable with my plain, boring, mediocre business.
- That for the first time in 12-months, I could see clearly why my business stalled.
- And with fresh eyes, I could see what was holding me back for all these long months.
So, I spent my time at Shine asking God to reveal the one action I had to take as soon as I got home so I could start sharing my gift with others. And for the first time in weeks, I finally felt a sense of peace wash over me.
It was the evening of Day 2 that I talked to Kendall Summerhawk about my revelation. I was on my way to dinner and I bumped into Kendall in the hallway. I asked those with me to go ahead and grab a table so I could speak to Kendall privately.
As I started talking, I could feel myself getting all emotional. I couldn’t understand why, so I apologized to Kendall. That’s when she said:
“That’s okay. Your emotions mean you’re moving into something greater.”
I now recognize that I’ve been called to do something bigger. I received a forceful nudge to leave the comforts of mediocrity and enter the uncertain world of greatness. I’m overwhelmed by this revelation and I’m a little nervous of this great responsibility.
Shine has helped me to realize that while my skills make money, it’s my gift that provides purpose. That’s really all I needed to hear.
Update #1: For some, it’s not quite obvious why I regret going to Shine, even though I listed it above in the 5th paragraph. So, I’ll explain it another way – I regret going to Shine because it made me aware that I could no longer hide my gift behind my mediocre business. Hiding is comfortable. I can stay behind the scenes – a place that’s familiar. Stepping into my Great Calling is scary and overwhelming because I don’t know who’ll be there and what I’ll find. Stepping into my light means that I’ll bear some responsibility for other people’s success. I had been found out. Hopefully that’s clear, huh?
Update #2 (October 11, 2010): It’s been 11-months since writing this post. I won’t be at Shine 2010, not because I don’t think there’s value, but because I’ve taken a huge leap forward. You can read the details here.
Update #3 (August 7, 2011): The breakthrough I received at Shine 2009 still gives me shivers up and down my spine. I’m extremely thankful to Ali for helping me get out of my own way and I’m equally thankful that the majority of those who read this post “get” what my regret really was (the comments below will give you different perspectives, so dig deep into them as well).
In 2010, I did regress to the comforts of mediocrity and it ended up being my worst year ever in business. My income wasn’t growing, I was in an unhealthy relationship with a man and the workshop that I linked to in Update #2 above did not fill. It was a horrible year for me both professionally and personally.
I closed my laptop in November 2010 and went on a 3-month spiritual journey. It was during that time that God reminded me about Shine, about my breakthrough and about His plans for my life. In March 2011, I finally found success and I’ve been on a roll ever since.
I encourage you to attend Shine at least once in your lifetime. I don’t know how many more times Ali will host Shine (the one in 2011 in Dallas will be her third one), but it’s a multi-sensory experience that will transform you in an incredible way.
Update #4 (January 29, 2013): I’m posting this on my newly designed blog here at leesareneehall.com. I’m now using the last name of the man who raised me. You can read the reason why I made this change here. Shine is no longer happening as the one in Dallas was Ali’s last one. She recently announced that she’s expecting twins. I’m expecting too – I’m expecting God’s blessings on my life and in my business. While my techie background will always be apart of me, I’m moving on up to a bigger goal – one that God has called me to do. I now help women use Biblical principles to trigger a flow of money in their life, career and business. This leaves me very excited and I feel the vigour again. I can’t wait to see how God uses my talents to help Him further His kingdom.
Update #5 (March 12, 2014): It’s been 5-years since Shine happened. I’ve reviewed the near yearly updates and I’m fascinated at what has changed since I attended Shine. I attended a workshop in September 2013 that helped me finetune my message. I wrote a book that became a #1 bestseller on Amazon.com in the Christian Stewardship category and stayed at #1 for a week. And now, I launch my speaking tour. None of this would’ve happened without the bumps along the way. And none of this would’ve happened had God not shined a bright light on me at Shine. I’m so glad that God did not give up on me. This new chapter means that He’s up to something big.
I think you need support. A coach and a mastermind would do wonders for you; to keep you on track and hold you accountable to your own greatness and power. Ali would have been a good coach many years ago but now she's too big; too shiny and too into the marketing side of things. You need a coach that is still focused on the people and still helping people to create six and seven figure businesses. Take a look at some of Ali's students. Fabienne Fredrickson might be a good one. Please consider getting someone with a system that you can model.
i love your blog post and how you found your meaning and purpose!! thanks so much for sharing – it is an inspiration
Leesa,
Thank you for sharing this. What a powerful insight!
I had a very similar experience, and like you I realized how I was hiding my Light from the world because of my fears.
In a flash of insight I realized how my life was changed by specific people who actualized their own magnificence first and proceeded to show others the way.
Then the thought struck me, “What if thousands of people are also waiting for me to finally get out of my way and live life at the highest level possible? What IF they would actually never realize their own potentials UNLESS I realize mine?”
After all I can't imagine myself getting to where I am now if it had not been for Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie, Neale Donald Walsch, Tony Robbins, etc. So I truly believed that if they didn't answer the call to their greatness, i would have never heard mine.
Am I having Illussions of grandeur? Perhaps.
But it's that thought that fueled my fire.
I knew then that I found my BIG WHY.
I celebrate you for having found yours 🙂
Marj
Hey Leesa-
It's your roomie Bernice! Long time, no talk! Wow, I just became emotional for you! Why? Because what you discovered was a beautiful beginning, and best believe your steps have already been ordered….Sometimes GOD has to bring you down a little, so that he can have your undivided attention! Keep clear, and keep your listening cap on because he has so much more in store for you. Let's talk soon!
Hey Leesa-
It's your roomie Bernice! Long time, no talk! Wow, I just became emotional for you! Why? Because what you discovered was a beautiful beginning, and best believe your steps have already been ordered….Sometimes GOD has to bring you down a little, so that he can have your undivided attention! Keep clear, and keep your listening cap on because he has so much more in store for you. Let's talk soon!
Leesa,
Nice seeing you in Las Vegas. I applaud your candor.
Tsufit
Author, Step Into The Spotlight!
Hi Leesa,
I totally understand what you are going through. I am going through a change myself. Walking in our purpose can be a bit scary but I know it will be rewarding. I am in the process of changing my business as well. I've started the transition. I look forward to seeing where you go from here. Thank you so much for sharing this. I've noticed lately there are a lot of people being guided to follow their true purpose. I feel this transition is needed so that we can all help the world become a better place.
Tanisha
I really loved this post Leesa re: it making you see that you can't hide your gift – totally relate to that! i've had a similar journey this year where i've been getting gently nudged by spirit (pushed really) to step out in a bigger way – whether i like it or not, LOL. I can't wait to see what is next for you!!
I fully feel you in this post. I am searching for clarity in my own authenticity. I find your transparency inspiring.
I wish you much success in your new journey 🙂
Sounds like gratitude rather regret Leesa! lol How awesome that you got to figure what you truly 'shine' at – and be opened into the possibility of sharing that with the world. I look forward to seeing it and hearing about it, and if there is any way I can support you, please reach out!
Thanks Scott, Zoe, Tracey, Dean, Lolly, Amy, McKenzie, Allison, Lily, LaVondilyn, Sue, Gigi, Britt, Susie and Lisa for sharing your support and observations. This was a moment of awakening that I didn't really want to share publicly, but one thing I learned from Ali at Shine is that you need to show your vulnerabilities from time to time in order to…well…shine 🙂
I agree with Lorrie. You didn't regret going to Shine, and so the title is incongruent. It grabs attention, but when that's being forwarded around twitter people only see the title, not what you wrote beneath it.
Hi Leesa,
I was happy to finally meet you in person at Shine as well and so pleased you were able to get such an invaluable lesson from it so early on. For me personally, if I get one huge aha moment of that size from an event, well, I consider the investment more than worth it.
It doesn't sound like you actually 'regret' going to Shine at all in this post. I know you have some criticisms to come in future posts of the event which is normal and expected in most situations (whether for business or life) .
The title of this post simply isn't congruent with your message, which was actually uplifting and vulnerable. My .02.
Lorrie
Lorrie, it was awesome to get my hug from you and to finally meet you in person.
Why I said that I regretted going to Ali Brown’s Shine event is because it made me aware that I could no longer hide my gift behind my mediocre business. I had been found out. Make sense?
I bumped passed you a few times during shine, and each time you seemd to have a lot of processing going on. Since we're kinda namesakes, I was hopipng we'd get a chance to connect, but now I'm glad I didn't beak your stride to say hi – you had a LOT of work going on inside you. 🙂
One of the things I tell my clients is that the most important product you have to offer is YOU. People can go anywhere to get the services you provide (most of the time), it's YOU that makes the real difference.
Congrats on making such an amazing discovery. I look forward to seeing the manifestation of that discovery as we mve into 2010, where I know you'll absolutely rock!
Good stuff girlfriend! You are not alone in your journey – stay open to possibilities – they might come in the form of Ali's event but as the fog clears it's just you with everything you need. So excited to have met you – reaching out is a brave thing!
xoxo – Susie
Wow. Leesa! Great realization – I am so happy for you that you've gotten some clarity and I really appreciate your honesty. I can't wait to follow you and see how it transpires!!
Leesa, we met at Shine and you were supposed to come join us for dinner on the second night. We wondered what happened to you and now I know 🙂 Actually, reading this made me realize that I had the same experience that you did. Heard all the same things and came to a very similar moment of tearful transition. Congratulations on your journey of truth and purpose. Thank you for sharing your thoughts so eloquently. Step into it, sister because your greatness is here!
Leesa…THANK YOU!!! What an amazing post. What an amazing YOU. I met you at SHINE and I knew there was something very very special about YOU. Now I know. You are also a Daughter of the King…and a Bombshell in every way. WOO HOO!!! XOXOGigi
What a great post. I love hearing about personal transformations. And it sure looks like you “woke up” When that happens to me, I am so excited to see the new day and move forward. Enjoy your great journey! And thanks so much for sharing.
Awesome post Leesa! No matter how much success we experience, how much money we make, how much recognition and fame we receive, that sense of fulfillment evades us until we step into the realm of destiny! God has a plan for your life, and when you discover it, you will find joy everlasting! Wish we had a chance to chat at SHINE…GBU!
Awesome post Leesa! No matter how much success we experience, how much money we make, how much recognition and fame we receive, that sense of fulfillment evades us until we step into the realm of destiny! God has a plan for your life, and when you discover it, you will find joy everlasting! Wish we had a chance to chat at SHINE…GBU!
What an excellent and moving post! Congratulations on your revelation, and I'm looking forward to hearing more about your journey.
All the best,
Lily
Self discovery is a such a beautiful thing. Leesa, you are absolutely amazing and you have already begun sharing your unique gifts with the world by putting your thoughts and heart into this blog post.
Getting into a funk or rut leads to opportunities of exploring where our greatness lays. Often times it's right there in front of our eyes. I'm grateful that the journey we are on is full of ups and downs. It makes us stronger. It allows us to grow. It helps us become the best that we can be.
I'm grateful that I have the opportunity to witness this most recent transformation that you are experiencing. It's something that we can all learn from and celebrate.
You ROCK Leesa!
Scott Tousignant
OMG Leesa, WOW. Not only an amazing experience but a beautiful and inspiring way of sharing it with us. And what you discovered resonates with me all the more because I am going through the EXACT same thing right now on many levels. Can't wait to talk more, and feel so grateful to have met IRL/F2F last month.
Lots of love as you step into even more greatness,
Alli
Just what I needed to hear..Thank you SO much for sharing this Lovely Leesa!
Wow! I didn't make it to Shine, but based on the posts that have come out of it, there has been a huge call to authenticity (whether people loved or hated Shine) – and girl, you've got authenticity and power and leadership in spades.
Thanks for sharing!
Oooh this is the authentic, vulnerable, powerful juicy Leesa! I am inspired by you and excited for you! Makes me want that face-to-face meeting to happen even sooner girl!
YOU ROCK…end of story!
P.S. We should seriously chat sometiem soon! ♥☺☼
😉
Amy
I am so glad that you found you. Leesa this makes me think what gifts do I have to share? We all have them, we were born with them. Sometimes we spend so much time admiring others (which is OK within reason) yet we fail to realize what we have to offer. We never tap into the deep core of us. This is so huge for you, I have tears in my eyes, because you ignited a fire in me. Yes we work, we have to earn an income to care for self and family, yet it's just that, work. No passion, no desire, no real being just existing. I'm all juiced up and excited for you as you were awaken to your new journey, your new path to your authentic you. Way to Go!!!! “Sometimes you have to go a long distance out of your way to come back a short distance, correctly.” -Jerry, “The Zoo Story” by Edward Albee
Tracey Johnson
Leesa,
You are Brave. You are Powerful. You definitely do SHINE.
Thanks for this honest, brilliant post.
Lolly
I'm really glad to see you realized this. You're gonna do fine. You always do. You have too much talent going for yourself.