I’m celebrating (again).

My 3 year cellphone contract with Hell Canada ended on December 4, 2007. And let’s just say I will never do business with Hell Canada ever again.

Three years ago when I became a Hell Mobility customer, I was in a different place. I got laid off from my job about 6 months earlier and was on employment insurance. So, I started to cut a lot of my household expenses.

One of them was my cellphone. At the time, I was on the Mike network through Telus. I was paying $72 a month. Too steep for someone on a fixed income.

So, while on the phone with Hell Canada cutting back on some of my landline services, the sales rep told me I could get a cellphone plan for just $30 a month.

She told me all the features, I asked all the right questions and that day, I agreed to the cellphone plan.

However, what ensued over the past 3 years was a nightmare. You see, Hell Canada didn’t just charge me $30 a month. They charged me whatever they felt like. Opening the bill each month was like an adventure through a dark jungle with nothing but the sound of jackals screaming to keep me company. Yes, it was **that** scary.

Every month was a mystery as to how much I had to pay. One month $30. Another month $55. Yet another month, $78. Then back down to $30.

I was on the phone with customer service at least once every two months to inquire about the random nature of my bill.

“Oh, Ms. Barnes, you went over your daytime minutes by 5 minutes. At $500 a minute for your overage, this explains why you owe more than $30.”

So, I upped my package so I could get more daytime minutes. Now, I was paying $45 a month.

But guess what? The chameleon called my cellphone bill kept changing its stripes. Again, I was paying one fee one month, then another fee another month.

Again, I was on the phone with customer service.

“Sorry Ms. Barnes. It appears that you don’t have a text messaging plan. At $10000 per text message sent and $1.5-million per every text message received, and because you texted Mumbai a total of 4 times in the past 30 days, this explains why your bill is higher this month.”

My bill had a disease called bill fluxuatitis and according to Hell Canada, the only remedy was to fork over more money. I endured this ongoing problem for 3 years.

By the time my contract ended, I was paying $70 a month, $2 less than what I was paying when I was with Telus. And what did I get for a $2 savings? Jackals, horrid surprises and bill fluxuatitis.

With Telus, my bill was always $72 a month. I set up my account on automatic payments and forgot all about it. I was happy with Telus because I paid what we agreed to in our contract.

I still don’t have a cellphone. I’m shopping around. I’m also waiting to see when Rogers will announce the launch of the iPhone in Canada. I’m also starting to enjoy not being available all the time now that I’m without a cellphone.

I learned a valuable lesson that going with the cheapest price brings more headaches than it’s worth. I will never, ever go with the cheapest option ever again.