In 2007, I was the lead organizer of a conference that was held in Toronto. The idea was sparked after a group of us attended a similar conference held in the United States a few months earlier. Once we got back to Toronto, we agreed that having a similar one in Toronto would be a great idea.

After sparking the movement that welcomed 300 attendees, I backed out of the lead role. The rest of the organizing committee went into planning mode for next year’s event. The good news is that the conference still runs to this day based on the hard work of some really bright people.

The bad news is that somehow, I was demonized.

I didn’t know that something was amiss until I attended the conference 3-years later as an attendee. I greeted the organizers who I recognized and pretty much stayed in the background.

The very last session on the very last day was called “What’s Next?” It was supposed to be led by the organizers, but none had shown up yet. The room was full and many were getting impatient. After 10-minutes, I grabbed the mic and facilitated the session until the organizers joined us. Once they arrived, I asked the room to give them an applause, I handed the mic over to them, then disappeared.

I was surprised when I saw messages on Twitter from some of the organizers and their friends asking why I was leading the session. It wasn’t just one tweet – it was several. And the tweets were flat out mean.

Then, there was an email in my inbox by one of the organizers who likened my facilitating the last session as “grandstanding” and that I was trying to “take over” the conference. He went on to call me “the cancer of our community” and signed off his email by saying that he already said too much.

I was mystified by the response of those who I once considered my friends and colleagues. Knowing how destructive anger can be, I simply said a prayer to God asking Him to direct my path and be with those who disliked me.

Weeks turned into months.

I had forgotten about the kerfuffle that emerged around this incident. But it all came flooding back when 8-months later, the wife of the organizer who called me a cancer announced on her blog that she was battling breast cancer.

A Prince’s Ten Year Plan for Revenge

When we’ve been hurt by someone, we tend to dream about all the ways we will take revenge. We fantasize about what we’ll say, we daydream about the person’s reaction and we mentally take pleasure in the wounds we’ll create. We fixate on the desire for revenge which takes us on an unhealthy and destructive path.

Absolam spent almost a decade planning his revenge against his father, King David. Absolam was dismayed that after his older brother, Amnon, raped his sister Tamar, King David did nothing. Yes, his father was furious about what happened, but Absolam was angry that his father didn’t punish Amnon in any way.

Absolam took matters into his own hands.

First, he focused on his brother. Two years after the rape, Absolam invited all his brothers, including Amnon, to a banquet. There, Absolamn’s servants murdered Amnon. Absolam went on the run. He went into hiding, not because he feared his father (remember, King David did nothing after learning Amnon raped Tamar), but because he feared what his brothers, the other princes, would do after witnessing the murder.

Absolam spent 3-years in his mother’s homeland before King David called him back to Jerusalem. But once he reached Jerusalem, King David didn’t allow Absolam to see his face for another 2-years. Finally, David summoned his son and they embraced.

That’s 5-years. But Absolam still had revenge on his mind. He was on a mission to remove his father from the throne as the ultimate act of vengeance.

Over a period of 4-years, Absolam amassed an army. Slowly, he won the support of some of David’s most trusted men. King David fled Jerusalem because of Absolam’s growing influence. Absolam would never see the throne. He was killed by one of King David’s generals 11-years after Tamar’s rape.

Sadly, Absolam didn’t go on to become one of Israel’s great kings. Instead, he serves as an example of what not to do after you’ve been wounded.

Here’s Why You Need to Leave It to God & Pray for Your Enemies

I took no pleasure in learning that the one of the organizer’s wife was battling breast cancer. Cancer of any kind is a horrible experience to go through. My grandfather died of cancer, so I get it. So, I reached out to her by phone to let her know I was praying for her and her family.

What I learned from this experience is that one has to be careful of the words they utter against those who love God.

Be very careful. Because the words you may utter against God’s child may be the curse you bring to yourself or to someone you love. It’s sad that while the husband uttered those mean words to me by email, it was his unassuming wife who experienced the ill effects of the very disease he carelessly tossed at me through his words.

For this reason, we are called to pray for our enemies and love those who persecute us (Matthew 5:44). When we pray, we need to ask God that His vengeance not be as brutal. When Kohath, Dathan and Abiram led the rebellion against Moses, not only did God destroy the 2 men, but the wives, children and lifestock were destroyed as well (Numbers 16).

Because God loves justice (Isaiah 62:8), He will protect those who love and honour Him. Vengeance belongs to God (Leviticus 19:18; Deuteronomy 32:35). Our response is to pray for our enemies, pray for the ones who hurt and wounded us – even take care of them – because doing so will frustrate their efforts (Romans 12:20).

Instead, fill your life with God’s love. This doesn’t mean that you evade the issue, bottle up your anger and not try to heal from the hurt.

Say this Prayer

Lord, you know that I’ve been hurt and wounded by [say the name or names of those who hurt you]. I’ve been haunted by visions of revenge. It’s so hard for me to forgive and move on. But Lord, I ask that you release me from these negative emotions. Release me from this bondage of unforgiveness. I know that you’re a God who delights in justice. I also recognize that you will decide what will happen to those who hurt me. Please purify my thoughts so I focus on your love. Please help me to forgive and move on. Thank you for your care, understanding and unconditional love. Amen.