Since 2006, I’ve worn many identities – Empowerment Diva (circa 2005), Podcasting Expert (circa 2006-2008), Social Media Guru (circa hot minute),Telesummit Expert (circa 2009-2011).

The many well-worn identities of the consultant formerly known as Leesa Barnes. And throughout that time, the room mate in my head kept feeding me despair, doubts and untruths.

Who is this room mate?

My friend, Lynda-Ross Vega, told me in a phone conversation today about the the room mate in your head after reading about this concept in a book called The Untethered Soul. In it, the author says that the negative thoughts that occupy our minds is like living with an annoying  room mate.

If you’ve ever had a room mate (I did while living in residence in university), you know how annoying one can be. They talk all the time. They don’t give you your space. They’re always, well, there.

It’s similar to that voice in your head.

It’s always there reminding you of when you fail, when you made bad decisions and when you just didn’t measure up. It’s those negative thoughts that pulse in your head like that of a baby in a plane who won’t stop crying. Or an annoying beep on that electronic device hidden in one of the drawers in your kitchen. Or, as the Bible points out, a slow drip on a rainy day (Proverbs 27:15).

Each time I changed identities, the room mate in my head went into overdrive. It reminded me that I looked fickle and disorganized. That every time I changed the URL of my blog, I’d lose traffic. That each time I had to explain to my clients and colleagues what I was focusing on now, I’d lose credibility.

 

But for the first time in forever, the room mate in my head is now quiet.

I no longer hear the voice of malcontent. Of malfeasance. It’s suddenly silent.

• I’m no longer searching.
• I’m no longer anxious about what I should be doing next.
• I now see the long term picture.

I’m at peace. And I have to admit, it’s a strange place to be. I’m so used to the chaos, the fear and the confusion. But ever since God worked through 3 individuals to help me finally embrace the identity I had been running away from – that of a money mindset teacher for women of faith – I am awash with complete and utter clarity.

 

And dare I say…joy?

I do not regret the path I took to get here. I had to go through all those identities to help me grow. I had to go through the ebb and flow of pain and pleasure to help me understand what my clients are facing.

Watching my clients sabotage their telesummits, podcasts and social media campaigns was the training ground I needed to build my patience and my empathy. Helping my clients overcome these blocks are the skills I take into my new role.

And I do not regret renting out the space in my head to that negative room mate. Although the constant barrage of negativity nearly drove me insane, the room mate in my head taught me the most valuable lesson of all – how to hang on to faith in the midst of chaos. That room mate in my head taught me that there’s more power in surrendering to God’s will than there is in staying attached to the fear and unbelief.

 

I embrace the void.

I love the silence. And I’m now ready to rent the extra space in my head to a new – and more loving – room mate.