I didn’t take time two-years ago to celebrate my first stage acting gig since high school. Here’s the picture from opening night.

The stage play was called Finding a Wife for Isaiah. It was a dramedy and the ensemble cast included almost 20 characters.

I played the role of a 70-year old married Christian woman named Aunt Cecily…

I actually tried out for a different role. The producer said she wanted to cast me as Aunt Cecily instead.

It was a challenging role. How does a 40-year old woman play one who is 70? And married? And miserable?

The other challenge is that I didn’t have a lot of lines, but I was in every scene. I remember my frustration after the first read through given that I stood in the background for most of the reading.

I told the producer that I didn’t get Aunt Cecily. I don’t quite understand her purpose. And that’s when the producer said:

Make her your own.

So I did…

I knew that I had to slow down my movements so I could look like an old woman. I incorporated big hats, vulgar scarves, and fancy fans as part of her character.

Since I was in every scene, I used my body more to make my presence known. For example:

• Because Aunt Cecily had the gift of hospitality, I would clear the table after dinner. I’d constantly be moving back and forth between the table and the “kitchen” (which was off stage). Or, I’d cross the stage to give my husband, Uncle Felix, a drink as he lounged in the arm chair.

• If one of the characters said something I didn’t like, I’d stop, scowl, then continue my actions. Or, I’d over-emphasize a surprised look.

• There was one point when one of the characters, unexpectedly, belted out in song. I threw myself off my seat to show my shock.

• I’d also hum or sing as the other characters were speaking. I mean, that’s what a 70-year old woman would do, right?

I changed my voice and tonation…

I had seen an episode of Sanford & Son and loved how Nancy Kulp played the role of May Hopkins.

Hopkins was prim and proper, and she sounded like she was singing when she spoke. So, I decided to make Aunt Cecily sound like Hopkins. Prim, proper, and with a song in her speaking voice.

Although I had her appearance figured out, I was still wobbling…

I still didn’t know what motivated Aunt Cecily to do what she does. On opening night, I did the best that I could. I made her character loud, her voice like a song, and her outfits gaudy.

But that didn’t help…

Because Aunt Cecily was still an enigma. It seemed that audience members were confused by her, too. One told a cast member that Aunt Cecily just didn’t seem to fit in.

I was crushed.

And then my stage husband gave me a great suggestion…

There was something rather peculiar about the Aunt Cecily character. Her husband, Uncle Felix, chased her for 15-years before Aunt Cecily said “Yes” to marriage. But Aunt Cecily rarely shows Uncle Felix much love. In fact, she shows him much scorn. Despite this, she’s hyper-religious, often quoting scriptures and singing hymns when moments get tense.

The person who played Uncle Felix, Duane Hall (no relation), suggested to me that Aunt Cecily may be gay. And when he said this, it all made sense. Aunt Cecily waited so long to get married and is hyper-religious because she’s hiding her true sexual orientation.

With that backstory, Aunt Cecily came to life…

It’s one thing to change the physical characteristics of a character, but it’s the backstory that brings a character to life.

Now, I knew what motivated Aunt Cecily to be super-religious. She was using her faith to hide her internal conflict. And with that awareness, I played Aunt Cecily different.

Yes, she still wore her gaudy scarves, her big hats, and carried around her vulgar fans. Yes, she still spoke prim and proper. Yes, she still displayed the gift of hospitality.

But now, she clearly showed her internal conflict to the other characters on stage:

• She admired the big butt of one of the gals that Isaiah brought home for dinner
• She sympathized with another of Isaiah’s dates, a transgendered woman, who was accidentally “outed” during one of the family dinners
• She was even more angry at Uncle Felix for trapping her in the marriage
• And she was sympathetic towards her grand nephew, Isaiah, for not being able to find true love

Aunt Cecily was a complicated character…

And I enjoyed playing her. We did six shows – four of them were sold out. My experience playing a 70-year old, married Christian gay woman taught me a lot about why knowing someone’s story helps us to be more sympathetic and empathetic towards them.