So, I’m sitting next to my sister. My sister is 11 years younger than me (she’s in her early 20s). She’s a Facebook power user.
She’s working on her laptop, I’m working on mine. Here’s our conversation:
“Lee, who’s this?” My sister turns her laptop to show me a friend request from some middle aged white dude on Facebook.
“Oh, that’s someone I met at Podcamp last year.”
“Why does he want to be my friend so bad?”
“I dunno. Why?” I ask my sister.
“This is the third time he’s requesting to be my friend and this is the third time I’m going to ignore his request.”
“Three times?”
“Yes and I have nothing in common with him. Why does he insist on being my friend?”
“I dunno. Maybe he likes your smile?” I say jokingly to my sister.
“Well, I don’t care why. I’m just going to keep ignoring their requests. Unless it’s someone I play football with or went to school with or work with, I’m not going to accept requests from people who only want to be my friend because they know you. Can’t you tell them to stop?”
So, for the love of God, STOP! Not everyone on my friends list should be invited to yours. I mean, some of the people on my friends list are teenagers from my church. They’re on my friends list because they think it’s cool that one of the older women is actually on Facebook (I’m the older woman to them).
Others are old classmates that I haven’t seen in years. Others are from my Wednesday afternoon social bridge club. Others are family members – cousins, sisters. And the rest are people I’ve met at conferences or requested my friendship through a business contact on Facebook.
Folks, please double check who you’re requesting a friendship from on Facebook before you do so. Just like at a networking event, it’s impolite to just stick your business card in people’s hand, then run to the next group.Think of Facebook like that networking event. Get to know people by first checking their profile. If you’re using Facebook for business, here’s your Facebook Etiquette for Business Users Coles Notes:
- Check their “looking for” status as it will give you a clue. Unless it says networking, leave that person alone.
- Next, look at the groups they belong to. If most of them are business related, request friendship. If not, move on.
- Look at their pictures. Do most of them show the person at BBQs and birthday bashes? If so, they’re not on Facebook for business.
- Who’s writing on their wall and what does it say? Are people congratulating the person on the reason launch of their book? Or, are they saying “Great seeing you at Winners today. BTW, where’d you get those swanky shoes?”
Now, if you can’t see any of this because they have their privacy settings set to maximum strength, then why would you want to network with them anyways? This is yet another clue that this person is probably on Facebook for social reasons.
People who use it for business leave their profile open for all to see. Why? Because they’re on Facebook to network and drum up business. The very reason why this person would be perfect for you to connect to.
Three things:
- Stop spamming my cousin with your event about “Gaining Visibility Using Speeches or Facebook or Your Blue Suede Shoes or Whatever.”
- Stop requesting friendship from that 15 year old girl from my church who’s on my friends list. It’s not cool, especially if you’re a middle aged person.
- And for the love of God, do a little research on the person on my friends list before you continue to ruin my social life. I swear I’ll defriend you sooner than you can “Lickity Split, Barbara Trick.”
Okay, I’m off my soapbox.
Leesa,
Great story. At first I was thinking, maybe the guy was confused, and thinks your sister is you?? Is her name Lena or something close (probably not)?
I always felt weird having my personal circle of friends mingling with my online colleagues on public profiles.
So what I ended up doing on Myspace (because I haven’t become adept at Facebook yet) is creating TWO profiles – one for business and one that’s personal.
Except now that the personal one is private, the business profile is pretty much devoid of personality.
Fehh. The truth is, I don’t have to time to tend to all these Social Networks!
I definitely do appreciate that people think of me and invite me to the many groups they join. But I kind of wish they’d send me a friendly email if they want to keep in touch that badly!
Dina
@marypat, will do!
@karen, you’re good. I’ll approve your friend request. Since we’re both on it for business reasons, there’s nothing wrong with what you did. Now, if you try to friend my sister, that’s a different story 🙂
@natasha, no ebook…yet 😉
@larryw, you’re so right. I’m talking to those who abuse Facebook.
@mike, you made the water I was drinking come out of my nose with your last comment. I can see why you’d be so adamant that that guy leave your friends – and more importantly your wife – alone.
I totally agree with this. I use Facebook for the same things as you. I have various people from my many walks of life, but there was a guy on my friends list that requested friendship to seemingly all of the friends on my list. I sent him a message and asked him to stop. He hasn’t tried to friend my wife again…
Abusing friends by making friend requests just because you know someone is really stupid. When I friend someone I do check out their friends but with the purpose of trying to reconnect with people I know. I’ve truly learned that the world is just six degrees apart. I’ve connected with friends I haven’t talked with in 10 or 15 years. For business purposes, if there is a person who is a friend of someone I’m friends with, I request to be introduced. Kind of like the linkedin idea which works well. You point out some of the things that happen when people abuse Facebook and the way it works.
Yeah! Totally agree with this. Your examples goes over to the weird/uber-creepy end of the spectrum, though!
After spending a bit more time on Facebook over the past few weeks, there are biz folks who friend other biz people just because you know “X.”
Well, with a bit more research (e.g. looking at a person’s “Wall,” their list of friends or any of the tips Leesa suggested) one can easily tell that you’re not just interested in “Networking” but networking with a particular group (or groups) of people.
If you’re not sure whether you got it twisted or not, try to “sort” your friends list.
Can’t do it? Don’t remember how that person got on your friend list in the first place? You just may be the creepy one Leesa was talking ’bout (wink).
It’s all about effective, mutually beneficial networking. (Enter segway…) Leesa, don’t you have an ebook on this very topic?
*Hangs head* I just sent you a friend request. Now, I looked for the nice little thing that would let me say, “Leesa, I read your blog and loved your business insight. I saw you were on Facebook and would like to invite you to my network.” But I’m a Facebook newbie and can never find anything on the stupid site. So, forgive my lack of manners but I would never spam your friends list, now that’s just rude!
Karen
Leesa,
You nailed it here! My teenagers have the same issues. I would love you to post a link to this on a new FB group called “Oh, Behave!” this is etiquette is a must read for all business people in the web 2.0!
thanks
MaryPat