If It’s Gloomy, It’s Important to Share (Devan Smith)

My next acting challenge – playing the role of astronaut Devan Smith in a Christian Sci Fi web series called Atlas V Horizons. Devan allows me to get in touch with my inner crazy and explore my deep, dark emotions.

We often hide from our gloom; we treat it like a curse…

We manufacture happiness and show the world that “Yes, everything is fine,” or “Yes, I’ve had a good week.”


  • We’re being eaten up inside by our unexpressed pain.
  • We’re citing affirmations in an effort to think positive.
  • We pray formulaic prayers so we can check off that duty off our spiritual checklist.

And meanwhile, our gloom expresses itself in unexpected ways…

Unexplained verbal outbursts. Inflammation in our joints. Chronic intestinal bloating. Hiding, running away, quitting. Substance abuse.

If you don’t allow your gloom to express itself, it will find violent ways to get your attention.

Facing my own gloom wasn’t easy…

It took six-months of intense work. Journaling, praying, listening to God. It was tough. I didn’t like what I heard, nor did I like what I uncovered.

What I’ve learned is that facing the gloom brought me closer to the Light because every dark corner must be illuminated.

Even though the series is a work of fiction, acting is therapeutic…

The actor is allowed to express on screen or on stage what they may bottle up in real life. Some of the best performances come from a place of familiar pain.

Jill Scott said as much of her performance in Why Did I Get Married. And fans believed that the pain she showed was Oscar worthy.

I understand Devan’s confusion around love, faith and purpose…

I totally get her gloom. And because I’m in a better place, I can bring Devan Smith to life. I just pray that I don’t overact or trivialize her struggle. Because she has an important story to tell.