How the Church Makes Single People Feel Lonely

“The only time I feel lonely as a single person is when I come to church.”

I expressed those words to my pastor. He was facilitating a discussion around the advantages and disadvantages around being a single person in the church.

The room was filled with a variety of singles – divorced singles, widowed singles, singles who have never been married, and single parents.

Of course, the majority in the group were women (I’d put the number at 80%), which is one of the disadvantages of being a single woman in the church.

I stayed quiet for the majority of the discussion. I did so because I wasn’t sure where the discussion would go.

I’ve come to look at my marital status, not as a curse, but as a gift. Should my Creator want me to be married, it will happen. Should the Divine want me to stay unmarried, then that’s fine.

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The White Fragility Script: The Five Act Experience [INFOGRAPHIC]

When a Person of Colour (POC) or Indigenous Person shares their very real and very raw experience with racism, some White People tend to fall apart. Dr. Robin DiAngelo calls this white fragility which she defines as:

a state in which even a minimum amount of racial stress becomes intolerable, triggering a range of defensive moves.”

The defensive moves some White People perform follow the same set of behaviours…

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The 11 Lessons I Learned Writing Half a Million Words Over 365 Consecutive Days

There are 11 lessons I learned writing half a million words over 365 consecutive days.

Before I tell you what they are, indulge me as I share one of my favourite “jobs.”

I’ve played the organ at 150 funerals over the past three years.

Let’s just say I love this assignment.

That sounds weird, right?

Well, let me explain…

As an organist, I have no connection to anyone in the room. I’m there to play a number of hymns and in exchange, I get a cheque for services rendered.

Between the playing of the hymns, I get to hear the stories that people tell about the dearly departed. Whether it’s a poem, a tribute, or a eulogy, I bear witness to how others interpret the personality and character of the person who has passed away.

What I’ve noticed is that the stories tend to reflect the teller, and not the departed…

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#ExpressiveWriting Prompts to Use If You’ve Been Accused of #WhiteFragility #SpiritualBypass or #WhitePrivilege

I’m an expressive writing coach.

I’ve used expressive writing to heal, say no, and create stronger boundaries around my time, resources, and energy.

I like to tell people that it took me eight years to author seven books, but it took a year to become a writer. 

And I deliver weekly expressive writing prompts to my patrons where I help them question their beliefs use expressive writing to uncover why they’re feeling tense, tired, or trapped.

Each day during the challenge, I provide writing prompts – a list of questions – to help stimulate their writing muscles.

Then, they write everything and anything that comes to mind.

They do not edit or censor themselves.

They write, at minimum, 750-words freely and without inhibition.

Expressive writing heals…

I’ve seen women release the pain around historical and personal trauma.

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The Real Reason Why #SelfPublished #Books Are Not Giving Authors Instant Overnight Authority (or Changing the World)

I sat in a free breakfast seminar the other morning.

I was in the back of the room watching a man, a perceived expert in book marketing, go through his book self-publishing book “manifesto.”

He spent the first 90-minutes telling us how bad it is out there in the marketplace for business owners.

That the old way of marketing based on pursuing prospects, manipulating sales, and showmanship is no longer working.

What works is building trust, attracting attention, and creating a relationship.

A book is the best way to help you do that!” he said.

As he continued with the multiple reasons a book is effective at building trust, I could feel my blood rising.

I was profoundly becoming disturbed with each point he made on the benefits of using a book to market yourself.

My friend, Anger, popped up and started doing a dance around my heart.

Books pull people to you,” the book marketing coach said.

Anger shook its hips.

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The Historical Trauma Sansa and Arya Stark Sliced Away That Their Mother and Aunt Could Not

I’m a social historian.

Background and obscure characters from the past interest me. I enjoy giving significant attention to the voices of insignificant characters. In essence, I dig through the archives to discover the forgotten stories of dead people.

Part of my work is to help my clients use expressive writing to heal from historical trauma in their bloodline.

Also known as generational trauma, family karma, or ancestral trauma, historical trauma is the transfer of unresolved psychological baggage from one generation to the next.

Knowing what their ancestors have been through and how this has been passed on helps my clients understand how to break negative patterns that keep repeating itself.

I don’t typically use fictional characters to highlight historical trauma, but I couldn’t overlook the most glaring one I found while watching the Season 7 finale of Game of Thrones.

Please note: There are spoilers below. Don’t read the rest of this article if you have yet to watch Episode 7 of Season 7 of Game of Thrones. You have been warned.

Turning Sister Against Sister

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5 Reasons Why You Must Wake Early and Write Expressively

Recently on Facebook, I got a message from a colleague:

You help people write for full expression. Do I have that right? If so, what are the benefits of writing expressively? I have a client I think may benefit.”

After writing seven books, I started writing expressively on January 3, 2017. I had a few personal setbacks and needed to work through the various emotions that were chaotically circulating through my soul.

The health benefits of expressive writing have been researched by Dr. James W. Pennebaker. Expressive writing, also known as writing therapy, is the art of writing without editing or censoring yourself. You simply write everything and anything that comes to mind. I take participants in my 21-Day Write Early Challenge through this process.

Aside from Dr. Pennebaker’s research on how expressive writing can be used to heal deep seated wounds, here’s my perspective on the five reasons you must wake up early and write expressively.

Reason #1 – You heal historical and personal trauma

My first degree (well, my only degree because I didn’t finish my second one) is in history. I consider myself a social historian. I pretty much study lived experiences from the past.

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